Entirely too many pages to read.........................
I guess, you have answered what I stated earlier last week. I thought you would somehow turn on me by not wanting to be with me from the news. You have. I AM ON YOUR SIDE; DON'T FORGET IT. I JUST TOLD YOU WHAT I SAID AT THE BEGINNING. I WILL LIVE THE REST OF MY LIFE MY WAY. THAT DOES NOT MEAN I WILL BE ANYTHING BUT ON YOUR SIDE.I tried talking about us in my first email this evening since you stated that you would still be with me previously, and you somehow came up with a conclusion that I was being coached since I wrote an email after having time to think about things while working. Well, if that is so that I'm being coached, then I should be thinking that you have talked to some men who have coached you to pressure her even more in hopes that she'd change her mind instead of embracing the way you told me last week or the way a man would after he'd thought about it a little longer. I TALK TO NOBODY AND YOU KNOW IT. You have thrown almost everything at me from stating that I'm being coached, bringing up that I didnt want kids when I actually said that I didn't know if I wanted them, to this is the end of the relationship because nothing will be the same, and to what has happened with other women (again, you threw up the track record which goes back to your past with other women). I think it is an image thing. SORRY. WRONG ON ALL COUNTS. It's your image to ditch the chick. OH YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW WRONG YOU ARE. THAT IS NOT MY IMAGE AT ALL. WRONG. NOT EVEN CLOSE. YOU ARE OUT OF BOUNDS HERE. Maybe, that's what you want to be known as. It's almost now becoming clear why you say that all these women are trying to get in touch with you and bad-mouthing you. ONE WOMAN DID THAT, AND SHE WAS INSANE WITH THE SAME ISSUE OF PREGNANCY WHEN SHE TOO TRIED TO TRAP ME. THE DIFFERENCE WAS THAT I DID NOT LIKE HER. SHE WAS IMMATURE AND NOT MY TYPE. YOU ARE MY TYPE AND THAT IS WHY I AM FIGHTING WITH YOU. CASSANDRA STILL CALLS ME DAILY. You are happy and content with that I guess. Although, when I looked at you. I did not see you as wanting to be forever known as "that man." TRUST YOUR FIRST LOOK. I guess I was wrong. YOU WERE RIGHT. I was really hoping you was that great guy. I know that I didn't plan this, that it has happened, I have made my decision after not being pressured in a hotel room, and I have to realize that the child's father wants no part of it regardless what the mother says or does to try to accomodate him. Nothing I say will satisfy or make you happy. I guess this is like the other week when you were stressed out about us, you said you talked to Willie (and you talk about me talking to people), he said that you were stressing about nothing, and you find out that I had been trying to get in touch with you. You were thinking negatively for no reason. I was still there for you. You just didn't know it at the time that I was trying to get in touch with you to let you know that I loved you. It's you not giving love the chance to play out naturally without expecting the worse. That's not being paranoid, that's thinking irrational. THIS IS ALL JUST POPPYCOCK.
This is the end of my plea for giving love a try. I can't do anything more since you as a man has deemed this as the evil of all evils. I accept that this is it, because I can't and will not try to force you to be with me. I can't continue back and forth of emails stating pretty much the same thing. I am trying my best to still have some good thoughts of you. Although, I can't help but not understand how you can go from calling me yesterday and saying lets stay together to telling me the things you said in that previous email. I am going to try to forget you said those things about me. I am not going to be able to keep this completely quite, because I will now have to rely on people to help me. I have to start building a network to help me since apparently I am on my way to becoming a single parent and I will have to move on with life hoping that God will eventually bring someone into my life who will accept me and our child. I just know that I'm not going to argue with you any longer. It's not good for me right now, and I refuse to end up in the hospital due to stressing about something that one day I will look back upon and think how I can't believe I let you stress me out about something I'd decided upon after you said that you was excited and that I should be happy that we created life. One thing that I will look into immediately after this child is born, if all goes well, is to locate a place to do DNA testing or if you want to pick out the place, you can gladly do that. I have no fear of what the test will read. Again, even though I hate needles, I'd gladly do one before birth if you think that will help answer your question that you have repeatively asked.
I HAVE NEVER MEANT TO PRESSURE YOU. I WANT TO HEAR AN ANALYSIS IN YOUR HEAD THAT APPEARS RATIONAL. I HAVEN'T HEARD IT. BUT YOU SAID THE MAGIC WORDS: "YOU ARE GOING TO START SPREADING OUR PRIVATE LIVES TO YOUR NEW NETWORK OF FRIENDS." THAT IS MY Q. AND IS SOMETHING I ASKED YOU NOT TO DO. AS MY Q,, I MUST SAY GOODBYE.
BEFORE YOU SAID THAT, I WAS GOING TO MAKE FOR YOU A FABULOUS ONE TIME AND BEAUTIFUL FINAL OFFER THAT I BELIEVE YOU WOULD NOT EVER REFUSE. BUT THE "I'M GOING TO TALK TO MY FRIENDS" SHOWS THAT THIS IS THE WAY YOU ARE. I ABHOR THIS AND COULD NEVER BE WITH A WOMAN WHO DOES THIS OR EVEN THINKS ABOUT IT.
YOU WILL STILL BE IN MY PRAYERS AND I WILL NEVER FORGET OUR TIME TOGETHER NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY OR THINK ABOUT ME.